What now…

There is a recurring mood that I get in which makes me want to write here. Times when I need to just let it out, and see what I’ve let out to actually clear my head and get my shit together. 

Shits been seriously shitty lately, to me and to people close to me. Although most probably for others more than me. I’ll get over mine, soon enough. But until then, I hate this feeling. 

I don’t really want to dwell on what’s wrong with me per say, but I will dab into the part that includes a boy.. well, because that’s just what we do here on Shou Hayda. 

So there’s a boy, a new(ish) one. I haven’t talked about him before. 

We met back in March (or was it February?), cute.. fun.. we started whatsapping… like… A LOT. It started out as a cute but meh “just another flirty texting which would obviously die in about a week” thing. But months passed, and we kept talking …. and talking… like woah. But the thing is we never met up. Now that all this time has passed and I look back, I see that as an alarm. But at the time, things really did just pop up and not allow us to see each other. Busy with exams, projects, meetings, family, friends, finals etc… shit happens, it’s fine and I understand. But seriously? Almost 5 months? Two hours couldn’t be sparred in the span of five months? It’s not that I haven’t tried.. brought it up a couple of million times. I just have to accept the fact that it’s just not gonna happen, right?

About two months down the line, I was beginning to accept the fact that it’s not gonna happen. But I didn’t want to stop talking. (He’s actually a really fun person, and we text for hours). I feel like because I didn’t really get much emotional attention or much proper verbal communication from George (the idiot from the previous post), I allowed this guy… let’s call him Mario, to sort of fill that void. Does that make sense? I was getting action from George and cute texts from Mario. Put the two together and you’d have a catch (not too bright of a catch, but a catch non-the less). It boils down to attention doesn’t it? It’s not that I have a need to be an attention whore (right?), but sometimes you need that bit of sweet male attention to keep you feeling secure about yourself. I’m not going to stand here and be all “yea I’m so secure” “girl power” bla bla. As much as I try to be tough on the outside, to the point where some people might consider me aggressive. It’s honestly not who I really am. That side of me just pops out, and can be triggered real easy with a push of a button. I’m also not going to stand here and say that “I don’t need a man”.. well, ok I don’t.. I’m perfectly capable of living my life without one, I’ve been doing just fine for the last 21 years. But, BUTTTT (I like big butts and I cannot lie), I kinda want to know what it’s like to be with someone? Like really be with someone. I’m not dying to be in a relationship, do not get me wrong, I’m happy being single. But I wouuld like to see what it’s like on the other side of the fence. Is it as green as fiction makes it out to be?

 

Woah. ok. When did we get here?

Conclusion:

George= idiot. Mimi wants attention from him though, he no give attention. Both get action though. 

Mario= idiot. Mimi wants action from him though, he no give action. Both get attention though. 

Mimi= biggest idiot.  Needs to learn to _|_ to George and Mario and fine a cute red head.

 

keskon, 

961 Red 😉