What: Boy and Toys

No, not THAT kind of toys you perv (I like your brain activity ;)). The other kind, the kind that involved humans and feelings and all that load of crap. Here’s my moody sad khdjfbwejfhb thoughts:

Ever since my 21st birthday this year, my “romantic” (what? :P) life has been a roller coaster. It all started out with George who I sort of met on my birthday, who went through unethical means of finding my number. Who I allowed to sweet talk me into sort of falling for him. I was an idiot, I didn’t know how to handle the situations that I was put in. After a while, I knew for sure that I didn’t want to be with him, but I still wanted him to want me. Does that make me a spoiled bitch? Maybe, but that’s how I felt. Especially after what he put me through, I felt like he owed it to me? I can’t explain, but again it’s how I felt. I don’t regret anything that I did with him. I do have a very um, wild side which I try my best to hide. Mainly because I fear being judged and labeled and all that jazz. With him though, I did things that I thought I would never do (even if I would have liked to try). The only thing I regret is how I handled things with him. I let him have control, I let him manipulate me, I let him sweet talk. It’s my fault because I let him.  ya3ebeshooum

I have learned my lesson (nshallah), and next time I won’t be to naive and gullible. 

I now sort of understand why other girls toy with boys, it’s because boys toy with girls too and noone likes to be toyed with. Since you can’t be sure you’re being toyed with or not, you gotta get your hands dirty and play the game. It sucks, but that’s the truth. Life ain’t full of hippies. 

When did I get here?

I went from being the girl who did nothing, to the girl who did a lot.

I’m growing up, that’s fucking scary. 

I don’t wanna grow up.

I’m really scared of what’s next in life. (Boys or others)

What’s going to happen to me?

I’ll become an alcoholic bum on the street.

That’s what.

Keskon

Mimi is Sad

Enter Title Here- HERE

I have a paper due in an hour, but what’s another late submission.

Don’t you just love how circumstance set you off the tracks that you’ve been trying to stay on all day to get to destination X (a finished paper, a case study ready to be printed and a presentation ready to be presented).
The circumstance is somehow my fault, agreed. But that circumstance did not occur because of only one situation, but a combination of a few. I usually let things slide and avoid confrontation, little things hurt me all the time but I keep my mouth shut for the most part. Eventually, I forget about these little things. Sometimes though something, even the most insignificant of things will turn my bitch mode on and bring back the feeling of being hurt (even if I might not remember the specific situations). As much as I’m a nice person (I’d like to think I’m a nice person at least), I can be a bitch. Now the bitchiness is not to make others feel bad, but it’s just the negativity in me that gets the best of me and becomes the face that people will see.
After my bitch mode is activated, I usually stay negative for a while. Sleeping usually helps, and when I wake up I usually want to patch things up. This time though, I didn’t really want to patch things up. Not because I’m still mad, but I was a little indifferent. I currently have a million and one things on my plate, things that I PUT on my plate so I’m not going to complain about their presence on said plate. But when you have a million and one things on your plate, there’s usually due dates and things with higher priority. All this makes me stress, feel negative and panic. I bring this upon myself because usually (not always) I get my best work done under these circumstances, and the real world is all about these circumstances so some exposure and practice is not such a bad idea. But with these circumstances, come other things that are out of your control, like people. So say I had a problem/dispute thing with a person but I have some things to do, if it’s a Sunday and I’m not going to see said person, I’ll focus on the things I have to do first then deal with the problem/dispute thing situation. But this does not refrain the other part involved in the problem/dispute thing situation to communicate with me. In that person’s defense, he/she/it doesn’t know I’m busy, but it’s Sunday and it’s my PJ day so regardless if I’m plopped in front of the TV or if I’m writing a paper on the food crisis in Timbuktu, don’t expect me to bring up a can of worms and ruin my precious PJ day. It’s called drama-free lazy Sunday for a reason, duh.
Anyways, I forgot why I’m writing this. It’ll come back to me, hopefully.
Ah yes, things that take you off track. You have to try and get back on track, take a moment to take all the drama stress out and focus on the work stress (the good kind that makes you break out and refuse to conceal regardless of what magic concealer you use, yes mr. chin pimple I’m talking to you). Ever since the “communication by the other party involved in the problem/dispute thing situation”, I’ve been trying to do just that, but it’s not happened. A bunch of other worms have been un-canned, and my whole day’s effort to get me on track has gone down the drain. Peaches are great.

If I was a bitch, obviously I’m going to pull my shit together and apologize. I’m not going to do it when I’m still mad. Even when I try to calm down, I don’t appreciate the snotty comments about things, they make me more mad and make me not want to apologize. Right now, I know I was originally the one at fault, but I’m more pissed than before. I actually was going to say sorry. But that comment, you know which one, especially after all that happened was a LOW BLOW BITCH.
I’m going to stop typing, because it’s making me feel worse and I really need to finish this paper.
But I just wanted to document these feelings for the next time I’m defending you when you make other people mad. As you know, my memory is pretty shitty and I need to write things down.

Keskon from the stupid mean moody bitch.

Timeline

La2, mesh Facebook timeline.
For the sake of organising my thoughts and reminding myself of things and feelings I may have forgotten, I would like to recap major likes/crushes of the past two years. Names, period of liking (roughly) and would I still go for it, will be addressed in this issues. (Note: I’m on the iPad so typing is odd)

Year 1:

kesekhto
Liked for a whole year
Current friendship status: good acquaintances, fun to be around.
Would I? Wall, yes fo shizzles. Be with? Eh, prolly not.

Year 2:

never gave him a name, lets call him coocoobanana OCD
Liked for a whole year
Current friendship status: friends, friendship has dwindled slightly but spark of random still slightly present,
Would I ? Nope, I’m over that jelly.

drunken idiot
I haven’t mentioned this boy on the blog, but long story short. I liked him at first sight,I thought something might happen. Turns out he’s an idiot, and also locked bedroom doors with a friend situation happened, but lets not waste time with silly details.

Liked for roughly 2 months.
Friendship status: eh, not really friends who talk talk, but he’s part of the extended crew
Would I? No. Makes me mad thinking about that honestly.

island boy number one.

Liked for two weeks.
Friendship status: after talking in Skype for 3 hours everyday for two weeks, he just stops talking. Fun.
Would I? Doucheyness aside, I’d tap that! Prolly slap I’m first though.

island boy number two

Liked current
Friendship status: most random crush ever, not my type at all. Bt somehow, idk.. I like him. Currently friends with lots of flirting, lives on the other side of the planet though. Skype all you want, long distance is a no no.
Would I? Faster than a fat kid can say cake. ( “cake” btw :p) hmmm

If a boy hang made it to this timeline, then he’s insignificant and/or I have the memory capacity of a teaspoon.

Until next time,
Cheers.

It’s never going to happen..

Is it? Nope, I am never ever going to have some sort of a “successful achievement” in the romance department. I had accepted this fact for a while, but after several opportunities which arose I was beginning on changing my views on things. For a second, I thought wow something might actually happen! But alas, it’s never ever going to happen. “Don’t give up, it might happen”, my reaction to that Lols you’re so funny stranger. I’m not being a whiny bitch, ok so maybe I am a little but this is my whiny little bitching blog, but I honestly don’t think I’ll be happy with this part of my life. The sad part is my “career” life won’t be a success either, because along with the romance department, I am a failure at everything I do. There really isn’t something that I’ve done in my life that has succeeded and has made me feel proud and happy. I’m just a half assed loser.
I’m sad tonight as you can tell, and I don’t even want to drink my troubles away. I just want to get in the fetal position and cry.
If you’re having a drink though kind reader, cheers.
I don’t like you

I want you

I want you so baaad

I want youuyouyouyouuu

The Beatles have been able to put my exact thoughts and feeling into an amazing song.

Mimi has fallen for a guy, and she’s fallen hard.

Who is this mystery boy you ask?

He’s the same boy the last two posts were about.

Yup, the situation is kinda bad. Since then, we’ve become closer. I see him almost every day, and we text almost every day. I mentioned before how I’ve never really liked a guy like this before, and 6 months later this statement still stands. I thought I’d be over him by now, I usually accept the fact that it’s never going to happen and move on to the next one. Yes, I still have baby crushes left and right; but he’s the one I’ll be thinking about before I go to sleep (not like that you pervs, by pervs I mean you, yeah you. You know who you are :P).

 Do I want him? Yes, but I still would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. 

What if in an alternate hypothetical parallel magic land universe, it happens. What then? I’d be excitedly nervous. I wouldn’t know what to do. But I think those thoughts shouldn’t be stressed out about just yet. Mimi’s got a looong lonng way to go.

What exactly am I hoping to establish with this post? I’m not really sure, but I feel like writing sometimes (all the time) makes me think and gets my thoughts straightened out. Although my written thoughts might not be that straightened out, and you might not know what I’m talking about.blukh

I need a beer, bas ma fi beera bil berad 😦

#Lebanesegirlproblems

Keson

Y u no

talk to me when you’re online.

I see your name on facebook with that green dot right next to it, I click it… but I won’t say anything.

I’m always the one to start it, and I want you to start it for once.

I’m not being a girl, I just really want you to initiate the convo.

I’m crazy

What the hell is wrong with me

Lack of sleep, too much coffee.

That must be it.

Back to le studying, because I have finals.

Must not thinking about boys for the next week.

 

They’re stupid and distracting.

Yes?

Yes.

 

Keskon.

The Hills are alive with the sound of music

By “the hills”, I mean us.
We’re here, we’re alive. Bas 3ana problem haida esmo “update”… mnensa na3mela.
Sorry!

Anyways….

It’s Mimi.

You know why I’m here, I’m always like this when I’m here.
Why would I be here if I was feeling jolly good.
Exactly.

Don’t you be rolling your eyes at me bucky, I shall nag and post as much as I want.
This space is partially mine you know. (Hiiii to the rest of the gurlies of ShouHayda)

Back to why I’m here.

There’s a boy. Ah these boys, there’s ALWAYS a boy.
He’s different. Ah, the new one is ALWAYS different.
No, but seriously… he is.
First of all, he COMMUNICATES. I’ll give you guys a second to have that sink in.
Actually, let me rephrase that. WE communicate.

Back story:
I met him about a year ago, I thought he was cute but very quiet.. didn’t really give him much thought since our interaction was very very minimal. This year though, we have class together and our interaction has increased. We’ve hung out for hours and hours, and I’ve honestly talked to him about parts of my life that I don’t share with the male species. At least not ones that I just meet. No no, not deep dark secrets. But just parts of my life and interests that usually most of my male friends don’t know about or talk to me about. He actually thinks it’s cool what I do, and in a “poking fun way” he’s supportive. I really appreciate that. I can be myself around him, whatever “myself” is feeling at different times. My crazy, my quiet, my annoyed.

He has ambitious. A quality that I find very inspiring, but lacking in most people (especially guys). Most of the people I meet are on the “Engineer=good job” or “Business=suit” track, and although there’s nothing wrong with that- heck I’m semi on that track as well, it’s very refreshing to meet someone who has ambitions and ideas that go beyond just the normal way of doing things. He’s not a hippie, he’s realistic about them. He knows the risks, but he also knows the rewards. Smart cookies.

He makes fun of me. A lot. But in a cute way and absolutely not bitchy way. I think it’s adorable. ah

His voice. I don’t even know how to describe it, it’s not all manly or weird feminine, but just a very sexy tone. I’m smiling just thinking about it.

Then there’s reality, they call it “FriendZone”. Boy oh boy is it super duper fun in the friendzone. You get to chill with the people who you have romantic feelings for in a completely platonic environment.

I’ve honestly never had feelings for a guy in this way, yes I’ve swooned, drooled and had crushed on countless guys before, but I’ve never actually been attracted to a guy on this level before. Emotionally, psychologically bla bla blalogically whatever you want to call it. It’s scary. I’ve never been here before, I don’t know how to act. I keep thinking about him, I count down the days until I get to see him again. I dream about him, I refresh his FB profile every second, I hope he goes online.
It’s crazy. What do I do? I don’t want to mess it up, because as much as I really like him, I really value the friendship (or whatever post acquaintance relationship it is) that we have.

This feeling,
It’s fuzzycute and annoying.
I need to drown it a little with a bit of Jack.

Keskon 😉

Just one of those days

When things start out ok, and then five seconds later. kil shi fucked.
Don’t you hate those days?
Fck folks, khalas.

Beddeh beera w 9gag w khalas

mesh keskon

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Cz the apocalypse is here.
Ahead of schedule too, sorry Mayans but a certain manwhore beat you to the punch.
So here’s the story and it ain’t no fairytale.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Mimi who met a guy named KESSEKHTO. Fo shizzle that’s his name, his mama was on crack. Mimi started to like KESSEKHTO, and they even used to talk for a while… until one day it got awkward and they just didn’t acknowlege each other’s existence. Several months passed without anyone making the first move to talk to each other again. Until one day, COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE, she learned that the world was going to end. Why you ask oh curiously kind reader? Yes it might have been obvious with where I was going with this, thanks for pointing it out smartass reader, I know you just went “DUUH” in your head. To you i say, FU and shurrruuupppp. Anyways, back to my onceuponatime story. The KESSEKHTO starts talking to Mimi. and by talk, i mean TALKKKK, as in like three hour conversation, OUT OF THE BLUE. like poof, it just happened.
Now several things Mimi should mention. A) He has a girlfriend. B) Mimi was in the process of getting over KESSEKHTO, and she had ALMOST made it. C) Mimi thinks KESSEKHTO has a sensor which alerts him of when Mimi MIGHT be getting over her so that he knows that he should do something so she can’t move on with her life. D) Mimi’s theory is probably right.

GAH
Don’t you just hate KESSEKHTOS?

I need me a Jack and coke, maybe with a real Jack too.. we can skip the real coke though.
Kids say NO to drugs!

Keskon

Happy Post

No, you didn’t read that wrong and no, you are on the right blog.

Yes, yes, shou-hayda is a place of ranting where us crazy girls talk with a sailor’s vocabulary and complain about our lives, boys and everything that annoys us. But let’s just put that aside for a second.

You see I’m in a, what Barney the dinosaur would call a “SUPER DEE DUPER” mood. I feel so freaking happy, I just had to share it with you guys. No I didn’t punch what’s his face or meet a guy or anything like that. This actually has NOTHING to do with boys. It has to do with me, and me being happy.

Why am I so happy you ask? Well let’s just say I was worried about something for a while then suddenly it worked out, you can also add some rainbows and cute puppies in there too if you like.

Ah, what a wonderful feeling. I think I could even go sing karaoke without a single shot of jack.

Care to join me? or do you need a shot….

happy keskon if you do!

 

ps. I’ll probably be back to ranting soon enough, but let’s enjoy this happy place while we’re here. Eh?