One Sided

It’s always been one sided. Not just in romantic situations.

I give more than I receive. I bend over backwards for others while no one cares.

It feels significantly shittier though when it happens in a romantic situation, especially when you’ve fallen hard for a heartless idiot.

It makes me want to hide in my room and cry for hours, but I don’t want you to ever know I cried. I want to pretend that you mean nothing to me, that when you say something hurtful it doesn’t affect me. The sad reality is that it does. I hate it, and I hate you for making me a more vulnerable person. Who are you to be able to make me feel this way when I don’t have the ability to make you feel just a smidge of the shit that I feel.

What makes things sadder though is that I don’t want to hurt you.

It’s kinda like that 10 Things I Hate About You song, I wanttt you to want me. I need you to neeed me.

It’s so sad. I’m so sad. This is getting sadder.

I need to move away and have a very strong drink with cute boys.

Keskon.


The Rules of Tinder

1) Think twice before swiping right.

2) While browsing through pictures of guys and gals (but especially guys), don’t imagine life with that guy in the picture.

3) Never ever ever ever ever develop feelings from someone you meet on tinder. Chances are the other person doesn’t really quiet care about your feelings.

4) Always quadruple check if your match is married. If he doesn’t look married on tinder, find him/her on facebook. You might be surprised to come across his public wedding album. Fake smiles and all.

5)  Never think “this guy/girl will be different”. It won’t be. It never will be.

6) Always wear a condom. His pull out game ain’t strong and you’re an idiot for thinking that was a good idea in the first place.

7) Detox. Too much tindering will fuck with your brain, penis, vagina and emotions. You need a break.


The “Doesn’t Text Back”

I like to think of myself as a non-clingy girl. When I talk to guys, I don’t expect them to drop everything in their lives to speak/hang with me every second. I have a life, and he has a life. Some distance is good. But I do enjoy talking to guys, especially the ones that I feel like I’ve “clicked” with. Over the past couple of months, I’ve gone through my fair share of guys. Nothing serious, all fun. But I’ve noticed a trend with all these guys… after some time, they just stop texting back. 

Now again, I’m not waiting for texts that express their love and devotion to me, but does everyone suddenly lack the common courtesy of responding to a simple question? 

I try not to dwell on it, because honestly life goes on, but the fact of the matter is that it does tick me off (even if I move on… possibly to another boy, very soon). Maybe that’s even the reason why I move on so quickly. You won’t talk? Great, I’ll find someone else who does. 

And if that one doesn’t exist, my beer is always there for some company.

Keskon,

Mimi


End of a friendship

You meet people throughout your life who make a certain impact, they become a part of your life. They’re there for you for laughs, when you need a drink. They’re your friends.
But shit happens throughout your life that are inevitable. You move away, they move away. You get a job, they get a job. You meet new people, they meet new people. That’s just how it goes. Over time, you start to drift apart.
You know this, they know this. You both kinda get sad, but you both move on… keeping in touch via Facebook/Twitter/Insta on and off. You both aren’t too sad about it, because you have other friends who mean more to you than they ever did.
But then this happens to your REAL friends, you know who I’m talking about. The ones that you consider a sister or a brother. The ones that constantly pop into your mind every day when you see some random thing that reminds you on an inside joke. The ones that were there for you when you REALLY needed a drink. The ones that know most of your deepest darkest secrets. The ones that were, are and should have always been there for you. It happens, and it hurts.
It’s like a break-up, it is a break-up.
The person who you texted and hung out with all the time. That person is no longer there for you. That person disappears, goes away, no longer a part of your life. It hurts. It really does.
What hurts more though, is when they don’t realize that they’re causing you pain. That they don’t realize that your friendship is on the verge of never being the same again. That they don’t care. This breaks my heart, almost literally.

I want to say “oh well” and move on. But I guess it needs time…
Time for me to process that all THIS is over.
Until then, I need a drink of 5.
Keskon


That Awkward Moment

That awkward moment when you realize you might like one of your best friends.
The awkwarder moment when it occurs when he’s telling you about “this girl he met who he might like”.
The super awkwarder moment when your friendship stars to disintegrate due to the fact that you might be jealous of this new girl, while this dude sits clueless. Unaware of the paid that he’s exposing to, and how it keeps rubbing you the wrong way as each day passes and he doesn’t talk or make any active plans to hang out. Not that he was Mr let’s hang out before or anything, but you did have some form of a mutual “I’ll probably see you on X,Y,Z days this week”.

Misusing “the awkward moment”? Probably.
Do I care? Not really.

It’s awkward, because it keeps happening in my head.
I have to deal with my emotions and urges of pulling her hair.
He can’t read my mind.
He doesn’t get that I’m mad.
He doesn’t get why I’m mad.
He’ll never get why I’m mad.
I’ll never tell him why.
I’ll just suffer in silence, awkwardly.

Mama needs a drink.
Fuck you for working in my favorite bar, fuck you.
Fuck you, I’m going to my other favorite bar.
They’re nicer there anyway.

Keskon


Part 2: The night is not over

Finally home after the oddest night of my life.

Kinda sucks sometimes when parents put a damper on your evening, especially when you’re a grown ass adult with a job and shit.

After my the previous “blukh ew” rant of the night, I headed over to my friend’s pub hoping that the crazy crowd had left. My prayers were answered because YEAY everyone was gone. At this point though, I had called a cab because the rents were on my case. My friend then informs me that him and the other cute guys of the pub (and the girl, but she’s cool so whatevs) would be going back to his place to chill. UGH, fml. The one thing that could actually have been cool for tonight, would have been a chilling session with this folks. Especially one particular fine ass folk dude, yum. But alas, mothers. 

I will now go to bed and drink in my dreams.

keskon,

Mimi


Shu hayda’ll night

It’s really funny how things turn out.

It was just yesterday that I was reading about this random girl’s weird night, wondering how stupid she could be for putting herself in such a situation. Little did I know, that just a day later I’d find myself in a stupid situation of my own. Now obviously, it was not as dramatic as that girl’s night, but still… I haven’t been weirded out like this before.

Here’s how it went down.

I was supposed to go to this work event in down town, but I didn’t know the place exactly. My colleague/boss-ish dude person was near by, so we decided to meet up and try to find the place together. He told me he’s at this posh lounge/club thing with friends and that I should come. Under-dressed and feeling awkward, I made my way to the intimidating bouncer who gave me a weird look for not wearing heels but let me in. I stepped into the super crowded place, trying to find the dude. He finally spotted me and ushered me to his area where his friends were. He had had a few drinks, and was a bit weee. He was trying to dance, failing miserably. He ordered me a drink and a shot that followed. HE kept dancing next to me, hands going places. Me trying to smile and brush it off. Now, he’s not a bad looking person or a bad person in general. But we work together, he’s kinda my boss. We’re supposed to be going to a work thing. As chill as I am with hook ups, I’m definitely uncomfortable when people who i’m supposed to be professional with are all touchy with me (especially when I’m not drunk :P). Finally, he gets the check and insists on paying for my drink. I let it slide, because honestly… sometimes there’s not arguing with drunk people. We decide to walk to the location, which happened to be a good 6 blocks away. We get to the work event, and it’s super packed with odd people from the weirdest parts of town. I decided then and there that I wanna go see my friend in Hamra, and I mention this to the dude that after we’re finished here I’m going to hamra. He says “”ok cool, I’ll come with you”. We leave the event and get a service, who insists on “Taxi” for our 4 minute cab ride from downtown to hamra, fucking asshole shit head. We tell him “4 thou hamra, or kol khara”(minus the kol khara part, i wish we said that though). He drops us off in the beginning of hamra, leaving us with a 10 minute walk to the pub that we’re supposed to go to. On the way, the dude bumps into me a couple of times. Hands going to my waist. Me trying to just smile it off. AHHH so fucking awkward. Honestly, I’m not weirded out by touchy people, especially when I know they’re drunk, it’s part of the “”LOL you so drunk”charm, but with this guy… idk it just was so not smooth and SO awkward. We get to the pub and he decides that he needs to “wee wee”. Oh gawd. the pub was SOOO packed, no place to sit or stand or breathe. A random girl just grabbed my face and starred into my eyes. Another random person grabbed me to dance. If I was with friends or slightly buzzed, it would all have been fun but in my current ughness mood, I was NOT feeling it. So I finally get him upstairs so he can “wee wee” and wait outside for him to finish. We decide to go eat, since the place is way too crowded. I catch a glimpse of my friend while he works, he gives me a “what are you doing here?”look and I smile. We get to a restaurant to eat. It gets a little bit more awkward because it’s just the two of us now and we kinda have to look at each other. He tried to be funny, he puts his hand on my waist, he makes weird conversation. Awkward, sloppy, ugh, i don’t know how to describe it. We order and wait for our food, with more awkward conversation. Our food is finally here, yeayy, I was starving. We had eaten maybe two bites, when he got a phone call from a friend. She apparently had just broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to go cruising. He said ok yalla 10 mins. He asks me what I’m doing after, and I say oh probably meeting friends. I text everyone I know who might possibly be close by, but no one was around. Two minutes later, his friend is parked outside, waiting for him. We get the bill, this time I don’t let him pay my part. We go outside, he gives me an awkward hug goodbye and I walked away. As I’m writing this, you probably don;t get why I was feeling these things but I just don’t know how to explain it, except with uncomfortable and awkward. And in that state, I really I didn’t want to go home. Since I had a pass for the night. I decided to go to the pub and take my friend’s keys. 

This is how I ended up on the couch of my friend’s place, writing this post on his laptop, contemplating the weirdest night.

It’s really funny how things turn out. I thought tonight was going to be a night of music and booze at the work event, followed by some friends in Hamra making fun of our friend while he works. But alas, nothing ever turns out how you think it’s going to be.

The worst part is that I didn’t get to drink properly, which sucks because it was  a night where i actually could because i didn’t take my car. Ugh

Mimi’s going to go drink now,

keskon

bye

 


Mr. Flirting Machine

Flirting.. I like flirting. 

I love it when a cute boy flirts with me, and I like flirting back.

Meet Mr. Flirt, we’ve been flirting on twitter for some time now.. but I never gave him too much thought since it was mainly public replies no cutsey DMs. Then one day, the DMing began.. which led to an exchange in phone numbers and non-stop texting for two days.

He’s super cute, sweet and has this gentleman quality which has been lacking with all the boys I’ve encountered recently. But there’s a but… why is there ALWAYS a but. The big butt is that he lives on another continent.. something that I wasn’t initially aware of. Second, he’s very flirty but goes through sudden stubborn cold phases during a conversation. He’ll say something flirty, and I’d point it out in a (trying to be) cute manner .. then he gets cold and defensive. I try to explain to him that that’s just the way I am, but then he gets more stubborn. I’m also a stubborn person, so I have to keep mine in check because he doesn’t get it and won’t budge. He says he wants me, uhuh. But that’s not true. I guess he’d want to if he was here… but an effort won’t be made. Third but, he flirts. Not just with me.. but with a lot of other girls. The same way he flirts with me. It gets me wondering. Did he also get their numbers? Do they also talk for hours? It shouldn’t piss me off, because we’re obviously not exclusive and he is just some dude from the internet. But when conversation turns intimate, I keep second guessing my replies. I don’t like that. I want to be comfortable and confident. 

 

Boys, always fucking with your brain even if they’re miles away.

Badde drink,

keskon.

 


The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

When I was young and knew everything 
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice 
Now I’m guilt stricken, 
Sobbing with my head on the floor 
Stop a baby’s breath and a shoe full of rice 

I can’t be held responsible 
Cause she was touching her face 
I won’t be held responsible 
She fell in love in the first place 

For the life of me I cannot remember 
What made us think that we were wise and 
We’d never compromise 
For the life of me I cannot believe 
We’d ever die for these sins 
We were merely freshmen 

My best friend took a week’s 
Vacation to forget her 
His girl took a week’s worth of 
Valium and slept 
Now he’s guilt stricken sobbing with his 
Head on the floor 
Thinks about her now and how he never really 
Wept he says 

I can’t be held responsible 
Cause she was touching her face 
I won’t be held responsible 
She fell in love in the first place 

For the life of me I cannot remember 
What made us think that we were wise and 
We’d never compromise 
For the life of me I cannot believe 
We’d ever die for these sins 
We were merely freshmen 

We’ve tried to wash our hands of all of this 
We never talk of our lacking relationships 
And how we’re guilt stricken sobbing with our 
Heads on the floor 
We fell through the ice when we tried not to 
Slip, we’d say 

I can’t be held responsible 
Cause she was touching her face 
I won’t be held responsible 
She fell in love in the first place 

For the life of me I cannot remember 
What made us think that we were wise and 
We’d never compromise 
For the life of me I cannot believe 
We’d ever die for these sins 
We were merely freshmen 

For the life of me I cannot remember 
What made us think that we were wise and 
We’d never compromise 
For the life of me I cannot believe 
We’d ever die for these sins 
We were merely freshmen 

We were merely freshmen 
We were only freshmen


What now…

There is a recurring mood that I get in which makes me want to write here. Times when I need to just let it out, and see what I’ve let out to actually clear my head and get my shit together. 

Shits been seriously shitty lately, to me and to people close to me. Although most probably for others more than me. I’ll get over mine, soon enough. But until then, I hate this feeling. 

I don’t really want to dwell on what’s wrong with me per say, but I will dab into the part that includes a boy.. well, because that’s just what we do here on Shou Hayda. 

So there’s a boy, a new(ish) one. I haven’t talked about him before. 

We met back in March (or was it February?), cute.. fun.. we started whatsapping… like… A LOT. It started out as a cute but meh “just another flirty texting which would obviously die in about a week” thing. But months passed, and we kept talking …. and talking… like woah. But the thing is we never met up. Now that all this time has passed and I look back, I see that as an alarm. But at the time, things really did just pop up and not allow us to see each other. Busy with exams, projects, meetings, family, friends, finals etc… shit happens, it’s fine and I understand. But seriously? Almost 5 months? Two hours couldn’t be sparred in the span of five months? It’s not that I haven’t tried.. brought it up a couple of million times. I just have to accept the fact that it’s just not gonna happen, right?

About two months down the line, I was beginning to accept the fact that it’s not gonna happen. But I didn’t want to stop talking. (He’s actually a really fun person, and we text for hours). I feel like because I didn’t really get much emotional attention or much proper verbal communication from George (the idiot from the previous post), I allowed this guy… let’s call him Mario, to sort of fill that void. Does that make sense? I was getting action from George and cute texts from Mario. Put the two together and you’d have a catch (not too bright of a catch, but a catch non-the less). It boils down to attention doesn’t it? It’s not that I have a need to be an attention whore (right?), but sometimes you need that bit of sweet male attention to keep you feeling secure about yourself. I’m not going to stand here and be all “yea I’m so secure” “girl power” bla bla. As much as I try to be tough on the outside, to the point where some people might consider me aggressive. It’s honestly not who I really am. That side of me just pops out, and can be triggered real easy with a push of a button. I’m also not going to stand here and say that “I don’t need a man”.. well, ok I don’t.. I’m perfectly capable of living my life without one, I’ve been doing just fine for the last 21 years. But, BUTTTT (I like big butts and I cannot lie), I kinda want to know what it’s like to be with someone? Like really be with someone. I’m not dying to be in a relationship, do not get me wrong, I’m happy being single. But I wouuld like to see what it’s like on the other side of the fence. Is it as green as fiction makes it out to be?

 

Woah. ok. When did we get here?

Conclusion:

George= idiot. Mimi wants attention from him though, he no give attention. Both get action though. 

Mario= idiot. Mimi wants action from him though, he no give action. Both get attention though. 

Mimi= biggest idiot.  Needs to learn to _|_ to George and Mario and fine a cute red head.

 

keskon, 

961 Red 😉